Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Remembering Dad

Papa Bear
September 15, 1941 - February 5, 2002

This is a photo of me, CKG, and my dad (the guy in the glasses) and his dad (the other guy). This photo was taken at my 2nd birthday so my dad was not yet 30. Didn't he look YOUNG?!

This photo was taken in 1996 at the parish where my Dad's Grandfather (my Great Grandfather) was baptized. The look on Dad's face was a typical one of "oh geez, can't you do it right?" or "Cheese and crackers, it's raining and this wool hat stinks." The others in the pic are (from left to right: Dad, Fred [now married to Ginger], Teddy [my sister] and me. Yea, it's me.

It's been six years since we lost my dad. He had been sick for 18 months with cancer and after many surgeries and treatments he kept fighting up until the end. I miss him like it was yesterday and still frequently wish I could just call him and tell him this or tell him that.

We didn't have a perfect relationship, that is for sure. I think that is part of what makes this loss so much more painful. So much potential was lost when he died too. Potential for us to relate to each other as adults. We were getting there, we didn't get there. There's a place in my hear that is empty and will always be empty in some way for having lost my dad.

I looked up to him so much, and he was so unreachable for me. Until very near the end of his life when we started opening up lines of communication that had been downed since I turned 12. In an odd way, it took his illness and death to free me to say what I need to say to people instead of waiting. Nothing monumental, just honesty, like "I really care about you." or "I wish I could know you better." Learning to live without fear is a painful but liberating lesson.

I hope that I will continue to practice to learn this. I hope you do too.

I Love you, Dad.


  1. hey there
    I totaly get where you are coming from, I lost my mum in similar circumstances.
    Sending you hugs and warm wishes,

  2. thanks. maybe i should try harder with my own parents.
    hope that you're starting to feel better...

  3. I have not lost a parent yet, but this past year we both lost young relatives that we were close to, so I can only relate from that perspective. I do agree with you on telling people what you think and feel when you have the chance, because you never know what happens next it you don't.

    Thinking warm and tender thoughts for you and the entire family.

  4. I understand too, as I lost my brother just when we were becoming adults. It's difficult. Take care.

  5. I totally understand this one. My mother was sick for a long time. I was too young to understand but I could only imagine being able to remember you father going through all that. I'm glad you were able to talk to him at some point.

    God bless you and yours,


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